Ladies, I feel called to write you a brief message about your man, and about possibly where you and your family may be right now.

Let me first discuss the men. We men are a strong, yet complex group. And more often than not, the image we wish to project is one of power, wisdom, competence, and complete togetherness in every way. Why? Why would we portray such an exhausting façade when no one on the planet can claim such completeness? Ah, therein lays the mystery and confusion for us men. The answer is, we only know, and act out, what we’ve been taught by our parents, or primary caregivers, peers, teachers, and decades of mind-influencing media. Sometimes it is a miracle we show any semblance of adultness at all! We are creatures of habit, springing from the upbringing (nurture) we received, while also reflecting the environment (nature) we were exposed to.

If at any point along this vast spectrum of our lives things were off, or due north of effective rearing or education, then our views, internal rules, and paradigms for living became convoluted. The same potentially happened to you. But men have been told since the beginning of time to be strong and to lead. Real men are weaned and trained, and at some point in their lives, step up to life responsibly and with honor. We could no sooner achieve this goal simply by wishing it than we could wish to be the CEO of a Fortune 500 company by tomorrow. No, like any worthwhile endeavor in life, greatness is forged through the blood, sweat and tears, years of planning, training, and stepping out towards our goal. And since this is our reality, the vast majority of men must either decide to, or be forced in the crucible of his life, to mature and grow into effective males. This by no means absolves men of their actions or inactions, but most don’t even recognize they are lacking anything.

This is the main purpose of Recovery Planet (RP)... to come alongside men and assist them in joining the maturation process, and responsibly tackling their important roles in life.

Being that you are on this website reading this message addressed to you, you might be hoping this metamorphous in your man will take place sooner than later. In fact, you may even wish to give him a little helpful nudge in the right direction from time to time. This will not help! You can no sooner change him than he can you. But you can love, learn to understand, support, and pray for him, all while working on yourself too. And if his actions, or lack thereof, are causing you or others financial, emotional or physical harm, then let me empower you to not put up with it. In the book “Boundaries in Marriage,” (Cloud and Townsend) the authors describe how counter-productive it is to attempt to put limits on your husband. You can, however, put limits on what you are willing to put up with. Please step gingerly here. Go slow, confiding in your close friends, seeking the support of a professional therapist if necessary. If someone is in danger, take immediate steps to protect yourself and others. While he does need your love, he also needs your unwillingness to put up with destructive, insanity-making behavior.

In the “Resources” link, you will find ample options to guide and support you along you and your family’s journey. But make no mistake, doing nothing may be more harmful to all than becoming aware and educated on your options. While RP is committed to helping and serving men, we refuse to endorse their neglect of family, friends, and responsibilities for personal gain.

Faith and family first is our aim. You need not be alone, or be a victim to your man’s sickness anymore. Sometimes tough love is the best kind of love we can offer. You do have choices. Know what those choices are, get help, and step out in faith to do the right thing for yourself, your man, and especially your children.

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